Thursday, September 29, 2005
DO NOT READ UNLESS U ARE CALM AND HAVE TIMEBlinded by anger
clouded by frustration
sickened by stress
heart wrenched
caught in the depths of emotional drought
lack of warmth
mind is throbbing with pain of thoughts that fucking refuse to vanish
psychological state of mind is increansingly unstable bordering on the crisis point
beyond that expect no more logical actions
only insane violence and utterly senseless behaviour
18 months of angst have come to a breaking point at the wrong point and wrong time
just 6 weeks before the A levels
i should just leave school and spare myself the agony
i feel so stressed when i c people studying at the library, talking to friends and laughing about senseless gossips
how many times have i experienced this sensation of wanting to let a rip of full fury be unleashed on things around me
how mani times i struggled to conatain these emotions No IMPULSES of SAVAGENESS just to appear that everything is fine
sure i dont care that people think i am a loner
i admit i cant socialise well with others
i have a few frineds and no clique
ITs everyperson for himself now
superficiality is everywhere
why is it i felt so different just 2 years ago
back then even if i did not do well in my results
i still had hope that i will do reasonably well for my O levels
Now i dont c ani light at the end of the tunnel
The A levels seem so far away from me up in the sky , sniggering at people like me who obviously dont handle academic stress well and lacks the ability to analyse, only the possesssing the skill to memorise information that i find may not be relevant to what i want to do in the future.
Happyness is a state of mind
yeah my state of mind is fucked up
happiness has eluded me
rather i inflict myself with unhappiness
my inability to view things in a positicve light
does it matter
life is full of problems
after this year
theres a bigger problem out there
National service looms in 2006-2007
beyond that i really have no idea what i will be doing,
i wanna be free
Free?
u must think that i am deluded . go ahead say whatever u want
Why i should i bother about other peoples opinions
what matters is what u think about urself
me?
many aspect of my life sux
i wouldnt dare say my life is the worst
simply becos i cannot the refute the fact that i am relatively well off compared to others who may be experiencing real difficulties
my troubles cannot be compared to those who are facing financial hardship, family breakups, dysfunctional families, those caught in the poverty cycle, the sick and dying, the desperately poor in Africa, the victims of abuse both physically and mentally, those innocent civillians killed as a result of civil wars
humans are so damn fragile, all it takes are just some tiny bacteria to break down our defences and u can kiss ur health goodbye. Humans made of flesh and blood are so easily injured and killed.
why cant we be stronger as in more immune to diseases and our skin to be metallic like robots with parts that can be replaced
why not remove emotions that are so freaking annoying to control
emotions are causing my troubles
haha i guess i am really a robot who seldom shows emotions
Not true...........
its just i dont show them in front of others but keep it to myself
its difficult, emotioanlly draining and utterly annoying
u hate this feeling, it makes u feel incredibly lousy.
u rant rant rant rant rant
hoping that anger and frustration dissipates
u wish ur life was better
how to make things better
i dunno
No i refuse to know.
Sometimes ignorance is bliss
the less you know the better,
that way people will gossip about u
gossip spreads fast
so think twice about other peoples feelings
its hard to do so
as for me
i really am clueless about what to do
study?
thats the last thing on my mind
results are looming next week
all hell may break lose next week.
i should shut my trap now
and go to play some games
which is the only form of life i have
pathetic , simply pathetic....................
1:57:00 PM
Sunday, September 25, 2005
its come to a point where blogging is coming more tedious
u cant speak your mind freely animore
u have to think twice before u post an entry
the ironies of technologies
technology is supposed to make lives more convenient
time is freed from mundane tasks like washing clothes and cleaning the house
time is off the essence
time equates to money
which explains the mad rush of people to and fro
it has become a sin to not do anithing
why?
i dun understand
must we be occupied all the time
wait
i have a hypothesis
being occupied keeps ur minds of things
it keeps u from thinking of problems at the back of your head
chasing material comforts is what keeps us going
we aspire the good life
students chase the piece of paper containing results
that piece of paper causes so much trouble
"schools just a shadow of working life"
working is much worse than studying
god i shudder at these thoughts
how i am going to handle the future
I DUNNO, time will tell
but i dont want to think about the future
thinking just adds more burden to a heart that is so troubled
over trivial matters to some
the teachers will probably say now its the final stretch,
i hope u had a good rest cos thats the last few days that u can slack
from now on its intensive hard work
u cant give up now
i want to think that i had a good break, but the reality drowns out any optimism
haha can i indulge in escapism for a longer period.
an empty soul who wanders around to school simply for the sake of going
11:45:00 PM
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
exams are over but somehow i aint feeling cool that prelims are over
too many thoughts in my head
heartwrenched with so many questions
i need to indulge in escapism
will be a so called holiday until sunday,
mondays back to school
its time to slack off
Dont want to think about anithing
yeah
that will be better
Thinking bout myself and the way i live
pisses me off to no end
In short ignore this post
5:07:00 PM
Monday, September 19, 2005
this songs seems to be written for lovebirds and couples out there
obviously this does not apply to me
yeah aniway i like this song
dedicate it to those who have found their signifcant other half
Gwen stefani - COOL
It's hard to remember how it felt before
Now I found the love of my life...
Passes things get more comfortable
Everything is going right
And after all the obstacles
It's good to see you now with someone else
And it's such a miracle that you and me are still good friends
After all that we've been through
I know we're coo
lWe used to think it was impossible
Now you call me by my new last name
Memories seem like so long ago
Time always kills the pain
Remember Harbor Boulevard
The dreaming days where the mess was made
Look how all the kids have grown
We have changed but we're still the same
After all that we've been through
I know we're cool
And I'll be happy for you
If you can be happy for me
Circles and triangles, and now we're hangin' out with your
new girlfriend
So far from where we've been
I know we're cool
1:26:00 PM
ai yar
monday afternoon with a cloudy sky
neither bright nor dark
empty
econs tml and maths follows
no need to talk about maths
ever since wednesdays maths paper
doing maths has become worse
cant remember the basics of stastistics
Ah the good things is on sat nite finally managed to watch final fantasy advent children
lol in jap of course with jap subtitles
cant find the english subs
1:11:00 PM
....................
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Mind moggling
Angst ridden
Traumatic
Heart wrenching
Self dillusional
The wonders that a maths paper can do to you.
If the intention was to put people on their toes
and be motivated to study
IT woRked BRILLIANTLY
YESH
TOO WELL In FACT
THe only thing they never calculate was
that instead of motivating people.
it makes people feel otherwise
WHATS THE POINT OF STUDYING????
KEEp trying?
NEVER give up?
OVerused words uttered off without giving thought to it
simple words that infuse emotions of such intensity
the frustrations of acknowledging the odds are against you,
subconsciously there is no motivation
u want to be free
away from everything
ur blood pressure rises,
U cant control ur thoughts in ur brain
its a muddled mess
U wanna scream but pple will dimiss u as someone who cant handle pressure well
U wanna rant but pple complain that u are a whiner
U wanna but free but pple smirk at your laziness
U wanna screw the world upside down but lack the power to do so.
I so wanna SWEar my brains out with vulgarities to fill this post
bah whats the point
i'll save my breath and go to take a nap
maybe i will get motivation to go and study history later
i dont want my life to be just another regret........excercising self control is so difficulthuma n emotions are such a powerful force to be reckoned with.........
3:04:00 PM
Saturday, September 10, 2005
PUSH THE PANIC BUTTON
I should be panicing cos in less than 60 hours will be all the prelim papers
and
i am no where near complete for my revision
Man even before the holidays starting i had a feeling i might not be able to finish my revision
IT irks me the most when what i have studied just 7 -10 days ago seem so alien when u try to recall information
YUUUUUUXXXXXXXXXXXXXXx
How , econs must prepare to act zai when u only know half of everything, hist.......must light cigarette and start smoking ur way through
maths ar........er.....pass can lar
oh seriously, this holiday find it hard to concentrate man, ..........
hah i can imagine prelim results EEE, thats if i am lucky
what good is that, i dunno
A level cert get EOF, DEE, DEO, EEO for me
wont help me get into uni, might be beri beri difficult
wait maybe got use, shows that u can at least past one miserable A level subject after 600 days of studying
well unfortunately, society in sg doesnt view failure very kindly
society wants TRiple A's with 2 S paper distinctions with an A grade in cca
yeah congrats to those who can
u are the elites who have proven ur intellectual abilities and ur amazing time management skills deserved to be applauded
ai yar enough ranting
come come, its time to become a full time slacker
oh yeah, please stop spamming my board....
1:33:00 AM
Monday, September 05, 2005
Somethings wrong with my comp
cant use msn
comp makes a funni sound when i try to sign in
sianz
for the past few days i have been feeling more hungry at nite
i dunno
i dont usually eat that much
yux gonna get even fatter
BLEARGH
could it be stress getting to my stomach causing hunger pangs
Need to mental control to stop eating so much
The earth sure is angry
nature has been unleashing fury against humans who are powerless against
makes u realise how small and puny humans are compared to greater powers out there
Anger its everywhere, it manifests itself especially well in fast paced society where time is off the essence
yes paitience is a virtue which i lack now
COS it takes a damn long time to dload anime to watch
arghhh
well at least i still can watch it................
rant rant rant rant rant
buahahahhahaha i'm glad i still have my sanity
must hold on to it like gold
11:15:00 PM
